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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27665144">Searching for Hope</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlewritingraven/pseuds/Littlewritingraven'>Littlewritingraven</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bliss (Far Cry), Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Self-Hatred, Unplanned Pregnancy, Verbal Abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:41:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27665144</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlewritingraven/pseuds/Littlewritingraven</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>John leaned in closer, the air around them growing increasingly heavy. “The pleasure was all mine." His mouth was on hers, soft and warm and oh so right. She was falling, falling, falling into his kiss. She knew it was the alcohol that made her brave enough to ask, “Would you like to come inside?”</p><p>I will be adding tags as I go!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Deputy | Judge/John Seed, John Seed/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello guys! This is my first Far Cry 5 fic, and I'm super excited about it. I have been posting this to my tumblr @littlewritingraven and decided to upload it here as well! I hope you guys enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Staci Pratt was, without a doubt, the biggest jerk on this side of the valley. Audry watched from the bar as he pulled the Blonde With Too Much Makeup by her belt loops into his lap. She immediately averted her eyes as they kissed.</p><p>          Sure, her and Staci had come to a mutual agreement that it would be better for them to break up. But he didn’t have to flaunt it in her face. Prove that she was right, that the last year and a half meant absolutely nothing to him. With a sigh she downed her last shot of tequila, Mary May shooting her a concerned look as she stumbled off the chair.</p><p>          “Need a ride, darlin?” Audry shook her head, offering a smile that fooled no one. Without a word she walked outside, reveling in the cool night air.</p><p>          A walk home would do her good. She exhaled slowly, trying to shake off the image of Staci taking body shots off the girl.</p><p>          She realized, half an hour later, that she might have drank more than she originally thought. Turning in a slow circle and looking at the expanse of trees around her, she had to come to the conclusion that she was thoroughly lost. She couldn’t remember which way she had come from, the whole walk a blur in her mind.</p><p>          When she spotted headlights in the distance she could have cried with relief. She waved her arms, hoping to flag them down. Luck seemed to be in her favor, as the sleek black car pulled off to the side of the road.</p><p>          She was rendered speechless when she spotted the face of the driver. He was <em>handsome</em>. His dark hair was slightly disheveled, hanging in his eyes. His lips were pulled up, an easy smile resting there. His voice held a hint of amusement as he asked, “May I help you?”</p><p>          Audry had to swallow the lump in her throat. She looked away to clear her racing thoughts. “Yeah, I, uh- I seem to have gotten myself lost. Could you point me in the direction of the Pumpkin Farm?” She pulled her bottom lip in, risking another glance at the gorgeous stranger.</p><p>          He had his hand on his beard, running his tattooed fingers over the hair thoughtfully. “The Farm, huh? I hate to tell you this, but you’re heading in the wrong direction if that’s what you were aiming for.”</p><p>          Audry blew out her breath, looking to the tops of the trees. She had definitely drank too much. “Ah, well. I’ve had a lot on my mind. I must not have been paying attention.” He laughed, the sound musical, well-practiced. She brought her gaze back to his.</p><p>          “Seems so.” His voice was light, his eyes glimmering. “Tell you what, why don’t I give you a lift? I’m actually heading in that direction.”</p><p>          She bit into her lip again, shuffling in place as she thought about it. What would the harm be? It would beat walking, and he seemed friendly enough. With a nod she walked to the passenger side, slipping in beside him. “Thanks, I appreciate it, ah-“</p><p>          “John,” he answered easily, pulling back onto the road.</p><p>          “John,” she repeated quietly, loving the way it felt on her tongue. “I’m Audry.”</p><p>          He looked over at her and grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. “Audry, I’m charmed.” Audry was sure her heart stopped beating. Her other hand flew to her chest, her breath catching embarrassingly audibly.</p><p>          She took her hand back, her face incredibly hot. “A gentleman <em>and </em>a knight in shining armor? Where have you been all my life?” The alcohol was not helping. Her thoughts were going places they should not be about a stranger she met on the side of the road.</p><p>          His laugh was full of dark promises. “Oh sweetheart, I’ve been around.”</p><p>          She needed to change the subject, before her lowered inhibitions brought her over the chair and into his lap. “What brings you out this late at night?”</p><p>          “Business.” It was a short reply, obviously a subject he didn’t want to broach. “Although, I believe I should be asking <em>you </em>that question.” He glanced at her momentarily before turning his gaze back to the road in front.</p><p>          She laughed, the sound more a scoff than anything. “I was at the Spread Eagle.” She should have let it end there. “My ex-boyfriend decided he would stick his tongue down the throat of anyone who’d let him so I decided to take a walk, I guess.”</p><p>          “In the wrong direction.” The words were not a question. Was he laughing at her?</p><p>          “I told you, I was distracted.”</p><p>          “Clearly.” He was definitely laughing at her.</p><p>          “You can get down off of your high horse there, mister,” she huffed, no venom behind the words. She mock pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.</p><p>          “Oh, come now. I’m just having a bit of fun.” His hand came to rest on her thigh. She inhaled suddenly, feeling like a touch starved puppy. “After all, it’s not every day I get to rescue a damsel in distress.” She felt his eyes on her, searching her. “A pretty one, at that.”</p><p>          Her voice came out a breathless whisper. “It’s a left up here.” Her thoughts were not her own. He made a turn and pulled up to her house at her instruction. He turned to face her once the car was parked, hand placed on her headrest.</p><p>          “I guess that’s the end of the line.” His eyes spoke volumes, and he was smirking at her like he was privy to joke she had just missed.</p><p>          “Guess so.” Her voice was light. Her eyes kept glancing to his lips, <em>oh those lips. </em>“Thank you for the ride.” She made no move to get out.</p><p>          John leaned in closer, the air around them growing increasingly heavy. “The pleasure was all mine, Audry.” Her name in his mouth was a purr. She felt her eyes flutter shut, her body lean forward.</p><p>          His mouth was on hers, soft and warm and oh so right. She was falling, falling, falling into his kiss. Her hands fisted into his shirt, her heart pounded loudly, her chest rising and falling when he pulled away. She knew it was the alcohol that made her brave enough to ask, “Would you like to come inside?”</p><p>_____________________</p><p>          A week passed since that night, and she had not seen John since. She decided it was time to mend things with Staci.</p><p>          2 weeks and the marshal arrived. She walked into the church and should have turned back around. There he was, standing behind the man she had to arrest.</p><p>          3 weeks was when Dutch sent her out to <em>fix </em>what she had broken.</p><p>          4 weeks had passed when she had finally liberated Fall’s End. It was there, in Mary May’s bar, that she threw up for the first time. She chalked it down to nerves. The after-effects of the fight. It was about the sixth time she threw up that she decided she needed to take a test.</p><p>          5 weeks since that <em>one </em>night with John Seed was when Audry Rook looked down at the positive pregnancy test and thought that luck was certainly <em>not </em>in her favor.</p><p>
  <strong>_______________________</strong>
</p><p>          Nick walked into his, very unfortunate, empty garage and could hear the distinct sound of someone crying softly. Walking as slowly and quietly as he could, he approached the person making the noise. He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed Audry sat in the corner, her brown hair falling over her hands, which were currently covering her eyes.</p><p>          His heart went out to the girl. He had watched her grow up. She was too soft to be the face of the resistance everyone expected her to be. She would never back down though, her need to be helpful, to be <em>loved,</em> too great.</p><p>          “Ah, shoot, Audry. Ya near gave me a heart attack. What’re ya doin’ hiding in my garage?” He asked, stepping closer and leaning down to eye level. She jumped, quickly wiping at her eyes.</p><p>          “Nick, I’m so sorry. I- I didn’t know where to go. I just- I needed to-,” she inhaled, unable to meet his eyes. “Can I talk to Kim, please?”</p><p>          He gave her a small smile, offering his hand. “Shoot, yer always welcome around here. Come in, Kim’s upstairs.” She took his hand, giving him a weak smile in return.</p><p>          Once inside, Kim immediately shooed her husband from the room, closing and locking the door behind him. Her steely gaze settled on Audry. “Spill.”</p><p>          Audry looked away from the woman, wringing her hands together. “It’s nothing really,” she mumbled, fidgeting in place. “I shouldn’t be bothering you.” Her eyes came to rest on Kim’s swollen stomach.</p><p>          “Nonsense. You came here for a reason, now, spill.” Her voice left no room for arguments.</p><p>          Audry’s eyes immediately filled with tears, threatening to cascade down her cheeks at any moment. “It’s so stupid,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. And like a floodgate had opened she cried. “It was just one night! One stupid night where I had too much to drink and was emotional because Staci was flirting with some <em>bimbo </em>and it wasn’t supposed to end up like this.”</p><p>          Her hands flew up, the tears freely flowing now. Kim moved closer, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Audry, you’re not making any sense. What happened?”</p><p>          Audry bit her bottom lip, not wanting to say the words out loud, to make it <em>true. </em>Closing her eyes, she forced out. “I’m pregnant.”</p><p>          Kim gasped, hand flying to her mouth. Audry finally looked at her, expression broken. Asking for her help. “Well, that certainly makes things…. Difficult.” She crossed her arms across her chest with a sigh. “Who’s the father?”</p><p>          Audry grimaced, turning away. “He’s… Not important.” She always was a terrible liar. “What am I supposed to do Kim? I shouldn’t keep fighting, not knowing this. But they <em>need </em>me. I have to fix this mess I caused.” Her hands ran threw her hair.</p><p>          “It’s not your responsibility. We’ll tell Pastor Jerome, he and Mary May can-,“</p><p>          “No!” Audry cried, eyes frantic. The thought of disappointing him making her chest ache. “<em>Please, </em>we can’t tell him. He’s already got so much going on. I just, I have to figure out how to fight without… Dying,” she finished lamely, shoulders slumping.</p><p>          Kim’s look was so sympathetic it hurt Audry physically. With a sigh Kim stated, “I guess we can ask Nick if you could borrow some gear. But mind you Audry.” She brought her finger up, wagging it in the younger girl’s face. “It won’t <em>help</em>. Your body is not your own anymore. Your stomach is going to grow, very quickly at that. The peggies are shooting to <em>kill you</em>. You think they’re going to care if you’re pregnant?”</p><p>          “I have no choice Kim.” Her voice was small, mind made up. After all, Kim didn’t know the whole truth. <em>Couldn’t </em>know the whole truth.</p><p>          “Just… Take it easy, won’t you?” Kim pulled Audry into a tight hug. “Be careful out there.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“<em>Deputy.” </em>Audry’s heart seized at the word. John’s voice so angry, so <em>spiteful</em>, so different from that first time she had met him.</p><p>But what had she expected? The two weeks since her talk with Kim were spent taking out all of his drug filled silos, trying to stay mostly under the radar to protect the growing bean inside of her.</p><p>“I’m disappointed, Deputy. I thought we were on better <em>terms </em>than this.” She pressed her back against a tree, eyes burning. <em>Stupid hormones</em>. “However, my men are coming to collect you. We’ll be seeing each other again <em>real soon</em>, Audry.”</p><p>As if on cue, a shot rang out, the bark above her head exploding. Audry yelped, leaping to the side. <em>No no no nononono. </em>She scrambled around the tree, trying to both run and stay as low to the ground as she could. The branches snapped under her weight, dirt collecting under her fingernails.</p><p>The shot in her left shoulder sent her sprawling on the forest floor. White specks danced around her, ground swaying beneath her body. She couldn’t remember why she was here, what she had been running from in the first place.</p><p>Her fingers ran through the dirt, amazed at just how soft it felt. She felt she could take a nap… Right… Here…</p><p>____________________</p><p>There was no air in her body. She felt weightless, suspended in time. Then she was pulled out of the water. She stared up at the man holding her, vision rocking like a boat on the waves. She could hear someone speaking in the background.</p><p>White sparkles were raining on the edges of her vision, running every time she tried to look directly at them. Her body moved, directed by the man holding her. Her eyes landed on the person speaking, heart stuttering as she <em>saw.</em></p><p>John, waist deep in the water, a white book held open in his hands. His eyes on her, never wavering. She felt that same irresistible pull she had that night in his car. Wanting, <em>needing</em> to be closer to him. She moved, an agonized wail leaving her lips as the man grasped her roughly by the shoulders, pulling her back.</p><p>“Let her go,” John demanded, closing the book and passing it off to someone next to him. When Audry felt the grip on her release, she pushed through the water into John’s arms. He smiled down at her, feral, looking for his next victim. Fear pulled her backwards, stopped only when his nails dug into her upper arms. “Oh no, you’re not getting away that easy.” He whispered, breath fanning her face.</p><p>“John,” the word was a moan and a sob all at once. Her hands grasped at his shirt collar, pulling him against her. “<em>Please</em>.” She wasn’t certain what she was asking for. Whether to be released, or to never be let go again. She thought she must have imagined the softening of his features.</p><p>She dragged him down, lips brushing his, eyes falling shut. The groan he made coursed through her veins and pulsed in her blood. She pushed herself into him, needing to be closer. His hands moved, one in her hair, the other on her waist. He nipped her bottom lip, a gasp of pleasure exhaling its way into his mouth.</p><p>“Do you mock the cleansing, John?” The moment was broken. Audry whined as he pulled away.</p><p>John was tensed, eyes wild with desire, but his voice was steady as he said, “No, Joseph.” Audry looked behind John, seeing Joseph standing at the edge of the water.</p><p>Joseph was quiet a moment, eyes on John. “Bring me the girl.” It was a demand, no room for argument. John released his hold. Audry grasped at him, fingers ripping his shirt open further as she was propelled forward. Her eyes stayed on John, neck twisting to look back at him. “My child,” her gaze snapped forward, flinching when Joseph’s hands rested lightly on her cheeks.</p><p>He was quiet as his eyes moved over her, searching for… Something, though she wasn’t sure what. His lips parted, a look of understanding passing his features. Audry was a toad on a science table, insides open for him to see. “Don’t-,“</p><p>“I see.” He cut her off, voice low enough that only she could hear. “You will be with us in Eden. You and,” his eyes lowered, only to be returned to hers a moment later. Audry jerked away, stumbling to the ground. Joseph turned his attention to John, leaving Audry panting in the dirt.</p><p>How could he know? Kim was the only person who knew, and gossip was not her favorite thing in the world. Joseph was talking to John in a low voice, words jumbling in Audry’s ears. She needed to get away, <em>right now.</em></p><p>As if privy to her thoughts, John motioned the peggy standing next to her. He gripped her by the elbows, picking her up and walking her towards the van in front of them.</p><p>She knew, distantly, that she should’ve put up more of a fight. But as the peggy loaded her in next to the other starry-eyed men and women, she found the thought hard to grasp.</p><p><em>Drugs? </em>It hadn’t crossed her mind until then, watching the man in front of her swat at nothing in the air. She closed her eyes, trying to ground herself. She needed something, though what she couldn’t remember.</p><p>The distant rumble of the engine closed her eyes for her, teasing her with the sweet escape of sleep. <em>I should sleep. It’ll help me clear my head. </em></p><p>Fate had other plans. She was jerked into awareness, catapulted into the air, the clanging of metal scraping against metal melting into her senses.</p><p>She must have passed out, she realized, when she saw Pastor Jerome standing at the open back doors, hand held out to her. Audry cried, seeing the lifeless eyes of the other passengers laying around her. <em>Not like this, not like this.</em></p><p>“-need to get you out of here.” Pastor Jerome’s voice floated in the air towards her. Audry couldn’t focus, hands flying to her stomach absently. She caught Jerome’s gaze when he grabbed her, hauling her to her feet. “<em>Audry.” </em>Her lip trembled. “We. Need. To. Move.” He emphasized every word, dragging her along after him.</p><p>She found her footing, stumbling up the hill and away from the wreckage. <em>My baby my baby my baby. </em>It kept running through her mind, heart hammering in her ears. “Jerome,” she grasped at his sleeve, needing to feel grounded. “I’m pregnant, please-,” she couldn’t form the next thought, heart constricting at the thought of losing her child.</p><p>Jerome’s attention snapped to her instantly, shock clear in the gape of his mouth. “You’re-?” He swore. Turning to the people around them, <em>where had they come from? </em>He shouted, “Cover us!” And ran the opposite direction of the fighting.</p><p><em>Too much. </em>Her body was too warm, vision twisting. Audry pulled herself roughly away from Jerome, retching violently. Her whole body shivered, wet clothes clinging to her. She felt out of place in her own skin, tears falling from her eyes. “I- I can’t <em>breathe. </em>Please,” she clutched at the Pastor, who had grabbed her hair back. Her eyes flying back and forth.</p><p>“Audry, hold on. We’ll get you to the doctor. Just, stay with me a bit longer. Can you do that?” His voice was too far away. She closed her eyes, <em>felt </em>her heart pounding in her chest.</p><p>“I think I’m dying.” The words were barely audible, slurred. She took a step forward and collapsed, losing consciousness before she hit the ground.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Verbal Abuse in this chapter, if that is a trigger for anyone! Also, if there is anything in this that is a trigger that I should tag please let me know and I will fix it! Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She was back in the water, each wave lapping across her thighs. Still dressed in her old black tank and green cargo pants, a favorite of hers these days. Her shoes were gone, toes curling in the sand.</p><p>What held her attention, however, was the figure shadowed by the blinding headlights of the van. She could tell who it was, even before he spoke.</p><p>“Worthless.” <em>Worthless. Worth less. W o r t h l e s s. </em>The words echoed as a whisper, floating in the air around her. “Stupid.” <em>Stupid. Stu pid. S t u p i d. </em>She cried out, each word a punch to her gut.</p><p>“Please, stop,” she wailed, taking a step back into the water, hand flying to her chest.</p><p>“Look at yourself. Getting knocked up by some cultist? I knew you were a low life nothing.” <em>Nothing, noth ing, n o t h i n g.</em></p><p>“No-“ She was gasping, unable to catch her breath.</p><p>“You’ll <em>never </em>be a good mother.” Audry clenched her eyes shut, hands covering her ears.</p><p>“Shut up!” Tears fell, dripping into waves. “You don’t know anything!”</p><p>She was alone when she opened her eyes, cloaked in darkness. The van had disappeared along with <em>him. </em>Her father.</p><p>She sensed John before he spoke, his hand brushing lightly over her shoulder. “Audry.” His voice was light, humming her name in the way she liked. She leaned against his chest, head resting against his cheek. His hand curled around, resting lightly against the base of her throat. Slowly, agonizingly, getting tighter. “You’ll never be free.”</p><p>Alarm rang through her, any thoughts of escape flying out the window as his other arm came around her waist. He pushed the hem of her shirt up, fingers splaying against the skin of her stomach. “John, please…” She was always begging him these days, it seemed.</p><p>“You’re mine now.” His lips came to rest on her temple, speaking the words to her mind. “This child, <em>our child,</em> will need somebody to protect it.” Her heart sank, his laugh vicious. “World knows <em>you</em> can’t do it.”</p><p>She struggled again, but John held tight. “<em>Leave me alone!”</em> Desperate. She was desperate to get away. She couldn’t handle being held down, brought back too many memories of-</p><p>She was yanked awake, opening her eyes to bright lights and a face- someone standing over her, holding her down. “Audry, you need to sit still!” She knew him, had last seen him when…</p><p>
  <em>Falling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Falling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Amazing Grace-“</em>
</p><p>“<em>Sheriff?</em>” The shock of it was enough to send her falling back against the bed, chest heaving. Stood above her, hands on her shoulders, was Whitehorse. He was looking down at something. <em>Someone</em>, she realized. Someone who was pulling a string through her side.</p><p>“There we go.” His voice was rough, as familiar as her own. It brought tears to her eyes.</p><p>Audry reached up, fingers wrapping around his. “I thought- I was so worried you had-“ He looked back to her, features softening.</p><p>“Listen child, there will be time for catch up later. Right now, there’s more pressing issues. How far along are you?” It made no sense; <em>how did he know? </em>Audry gaped at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.</p><p>“But, when, how did you?”</p><p>“Pastor Jeffries informed us. Good thing too, the adrenaline alone would have killed that poor thing in there.” The look he gave was so tender Audry found herself squirming away, remnants of her dream still floating in her peripherals.</p><p>“I was 7 weeks when John-“ the words choked her, for reasons other than what Whitehorse had guessed.</p><p>He squeezed her shoulder, trying to be comforting. “He doesn’t know where you are. He won’t be a problem anymore.” <em>Not true.</em></p><p>“Where am I?”</p><p>“The Henbane. We’ve taken up refuge at the prison, but don’t worry yourself with that.” He grunted as he stood, nodding at the woman stitching her side. “For now, you rest. You’ve got some healing to do.”</p><p>She could have told him that the last thing she wanted was to go back to her dreams, but it somehow didn’t seem important. Before he could leave, she grasped at his sleeve. “Please, can you call Adelaide?”</p><p>He paused, grimacing just a moment before allowing a small nod. “I’ll do what I can.”</p><p>_______________</p><p>Adelaide Drubman was more of a mother to Audry growing up than her own had been. So, when she came storming through the prison into the makeshift hospital, Audry could have cried with relief. She ignored the pain the pull of her stitches caused to give the older woman the hug she herself wanted.</p><p>And Adelaide never disappointed.</p><p>“Audry, I swear you’re trying to give me a heart attack. What’s this I hear about you getting captured and nearly <em>killed </em>by John Seed?” Her hands were all over Audry, pulling her shirt up, inspecting every square inch she could get her hands on.</p><p>“Addie, please,” Audry didn’t think her face could burn any brighter, looking at the other infirmary patients. Grabbing Addie’s hands, she brought her attention back. “Please. I need to talk to you. Somewhere,” her eyes glanced around the room again. “More private.”</p><p>Addie was not sensitive about privacy. “Audry, you don’t need to be modest with them. I’m sure they’ve all seen their fair share of boobs, penis’ and vaginas. Now come on, let me see the damage.”</p><p>Audry had been wrong; her face <em>did </em>get hotter. “Addie! That’s not what I meant, <em>please.” </em>She pulled them both towards the back room, where the makeshift doctor was residing.</p><p>“Alright darlin’, anything you need. You, out.” Addie pointed at the doctor/veterinarian. He scrambled away, smart enough not to make an argument. She sat Audry down and waited patiently, giving her full attention.</p><p>Audry swallowed, looking around the room to try and find her nerve. “I need- What I mean is- It’s like…” She let out a grunt, frustrated with herself. “I’m… I’m pregnant-“</p><p>“You’re <em>what-“</em></p><p>“And John is the father.” Audry finished, cutting Addie off. The other woman leapt from her chair, sending it tumbling behind her. Audry looked down at her hands, despair pulsing through her veins. “I thought I could just continue fighting, just be, I don’t know, careful? But…” She released her breath, the strands of her hair flying into the air.</p><p>Addie was rooted to the spot, gaping at Audry. “Now, darlin’ I <em>know </em>you know how to use protection. Hell, I was the one who gave you your first condom!”</p><p>“<em>Addie-“ </em>Audry’s face grew horrified, but the older girl continued on.</p><p>“So, please, explain to me how this happened.” She folded her arms over her chest, looking down her nose at Audry; a look Audry had gotten many times growing up. She may not have been her mother by blood, but that never stopped Adelaide Drubman.</p><p>Audry bit her lip, playing with her fingernails. “I, um, might have been just a little, teensy, tiny bit… drunk…” She flinched at her own words, feeling the stupidity welling to the surface. “It didn’t pass my mind.”</p><p>“<em>Audry,</em>” And Addie <em>laughed.</em> “Was he really <em>that</em> good in the sack? That you couldn’t even stop to put on a <em>condom?”</em></p><p>Audry did not want to be having this conversation. “Adelaide, <em>please</em>. There are more pressing matters than- than how good he was in bed.” Yes, her face was on fire. No, she would never live this conversation down. “How am I supposed to help, to save Burke, and Joey, and… and-“ She hadn’t thought about <em>him </em>since this all started, and shame ripped her open. “Oh my gosh, Staci!”</p><p>Addie grabbed her shoulders, pulling her up and into a hug as the sobs racked her body. “Shh, honey. It’s not your fault. I can help you. I’ll call my nephew, and have my bastard ex-husband send Hurk Jr. out here to help. You’re not alone in this.” Addie pushed the hair behind her ear, wiping a stray tear from her honeyed eyes.</p><p>“I- I don’t know if it will help. What if John finds out? Joseph seems to have a pretty good idea. They’re probably looking for me right now!” Panic rose like bile in her throat, threatening to overwhelm her. She gripped onto the older woman’s shirt like a lifeline. “I can’t be trapped with them. <em>I can’t be owned by them.</em>”</p><p>“That will never happen.” It was rare to hear Addie snarl, which is probably what made it that much more frightening. “Nothing will happen to you. I won’t let you leave my side.”</p><p>Audry looked up at the woman, eyes searching hers, nerves calming slightly. Slowly, her fingers began to relax. “Okay. Okay, I trust you.”</p><p>At that, Adelaide grinned. “What’s not to trust, darlin’?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Sharky, I don’t think this is a good idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s ridiculous, this is the best idea I’ve had all week!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two stood at the bottom of Joseph’s statue, peggies scattered at their feet, Hurk Jr. checking the bodies for supplies. Audry was looking at Sharky, whose attention was on the statue, eyes alight with a look Audry didn’t like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen,” Audry sighed, turning away from the ugly monument. “I don’t like it just as much as the next guy, but it would be like painting a giant target on our location.” She cut her eyes to the side, looking up at him. “And I don’t think I need to remind you of my… Situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the past three weeks, no one had spoken much about the pregnancy, choosing instead to label it “the situation.” Audry wasn’t sure if it was because they wanted to ignore it, or just keep it a secret from John Seed a little longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually they’d have to deal with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be out of here by the time the first piece hits the ground. Hey, Hurk!” Sharky shouted, calling his cousin over. “Whaddya say we blow this thing to bits?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hurk’s face brightened exponentially, leaving Audry grimacing. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hell yeah! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Why, that’d be funner than the time my daddy let me drive the jeep in the sand dunes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Outranked, two to one. It was how it had always been, growing up around the two. A silent vote, though none of them had ever mentioned the rules of it. It just went without saying that if at least two of them were in on something, all of them were. Audry had never much liked those odds with these guys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine! But </span>
  <em>
    <span>you,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she pointed a finger up at Hurk. “Get to explain this to Adelaide.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>That</span>
  </em>
  <span> got Hurk to hesitate, if only momentarily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, it’ll be fine ‘Dree. We’ll just blast him to the moon and be on our way!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Audry </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> it wouldn’t be that simple; it never was. But the look of pure unadulterated joy on their faces was enough for her to sigh and say: “Where’s the c4?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>_________________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It, indeed, was not that simple. What they had thought would take one big blow, ended up taking multiple. That was problem number one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Problem number two was the fact that they hadn’t thought about where the rubble would </span>
  <em>
    <span>land. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They were still at the bottom as it started raining around them, sending the earth rumbling and the dirt flying. Heavy smoke from all the explosions filled the air with a heady smell of gunpowder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sharky and Hurk were having the time of their lives. Audry couldn’t stop coughing long enough to tell which way was up or down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the gunfire started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had just enough time to duck into the base of the statue before they could spot her. The idiot twins were outside shouting to each other, something Audry didn’t even try to make out. With nowhere else to go, she decided up was her best option.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am </span>
  </em>
  <span>not </span>
  <em>
    <span>afraid of heights, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she reminded herself, climbing higher, higher, </span>
  <em>
    <span>higher</span>
  </em>
  <span> up the beams. When she finally reaches the top, </span>
  <em>
    <span>is the world swaying? </span>
  </em>
  <span>She pulls out her radio, hoping desperately she’s still in range.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adelaide, it’s Audry. Think you could uh, give me a lift in Tulip? Over.” Slow breaths. Do. Not. Look. Down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-might as well just burn the damn thing.” Someone, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sheriff Whitehorse? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Was speaking to her. “It should be up on top of that monstrosity. Over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dumbfounded, Audry said, “I’m sorry, you want me to burn </span>
  <em>
    <span>what?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Then, realizing her mistake; “Over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joseph Seed’s first book is up on that thing. I want you to find it and destroy it Deputy. It’ll be a good step in liberating our region. Over.” Audry felt like a fish, mouth opening then closing again, trying to find the words to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t help feeling like a high school bully, but if Whitehorse said it’s what they needed then-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who knew books were so hard to burn? It took three, </span>
  <em>
    <span>three, </span>
  </em>
  <span>of her incendiary arrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m disappointed Deputy.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh crap oh crapohcrap. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“That book held many memories of my past, of growing Eden’s gate into what it has </span>
  <em>
    <span>become.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Joseph’s voice drawls through her radio, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>of course </span>
  </em>
  <span>he would know what she was up to. He probably had cameras around the whole place. “I’m afraid that little show of rebellion can’t go unpunished. Don’t fight it deputy, we wouldn’t want any harm to come to that unborn child of yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Audry could do was stare in shock at the figures appearing from the ladder. They didn’t look like the normal peggies down in Holland Valley, or even Faith’s angels. These people all wore a red ski mask, looking for all the world like they were on some bank heist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Darlin’,” Adelaide’s voice blared at her, a distant recognition. “T-minus 5 minutes. Think you can stay alive for me until then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Audry wasn’t aware that her hand had grasped the radio until it was held to her mouth, the button pressed under her fingers. “Somehow,” she breathed. “I don’t think they want to kill me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>None of the figures made a move, seeming to be waiting for something. </span>
  <em>
    <span>For me, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she realized. They were waiting to see if she would go with them or make a run for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just go with my Chosen, Deputy.” Audry closed her eyes, her head falling back in exasperation. This voice was rougher, deeper than the others. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jacob.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “You won’t win.” A spark of annoyance flared in her. He was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>certain</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Like he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>poor, small, little Audry wouldn’t be able to escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She set her jaw; mind made up for her. In the distance, she imagined she could hear the whirring of helicopter blades. Pressing the button once more, she said, “How about this? You guys can go f-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her curse was cut short, an explosion shaking the ground beneath them. Audry’s radio flew to the ground, skittering off the edge. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Well, that’s gone. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Then, mercifully, the deafening roar of the helicopter. Her hair flew up, around, led by the wind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Audry, get out of here!” Sharky, bless his heart. He was always there to save her. Thoughts of her high school years coursed through her mind, too fast for her to think on deeply. Without having to be told twice, she stood and ran, ran, ran, towards the edge where Adelaide was waiting with Tulip.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t look down. Don’t look down.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Without giving herself time to think about it, she jumped.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Restraint, bliss use, hinting at past trauma</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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      <span><em>Blowdart to the butt</em>. </span>
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      <span>“Audry, darlin’. I need you to hold onto something.” Audry looked up at the woman, then down at her leg dangling from the helicopter.</span>
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      <span>“</span>
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        <span>I think</span>
      </span>
      <span> ‘m fine.” She slurred, laying back on the floor of the rumbling machine. Her leg slipped a little further, and her body begged her to follow through. </span>
      <em>What would be the harm? </em>
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      <span>“</span>
      <span><em>Audry!</em>” </span>
      <span>In the distance, there was someone laughing. A cute, feminine noise that made Audry want, no </span>
      <em>need</em>
      <span>, to find the source.</span>
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      <span>She turned onto her stomach, noticing a green fog engulfing her. She was no longer in the helicopter, instead laying in a field of flowers. There was a young woman sitting on her knees in front of her, hands forming themselves against her chin. “Welcome to the bliss.” Her voice was music to Audry’s ears.</span>
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      <span>“The… Bliss?” Audry questioned, not caring for the answer. She </span>
      <span class="qualifier">
        <span>just</span>
      </span>
      <span> wanted to hear the blonde speak again. Her hands curled around the other’s wrists.</span>
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      <span>“Oh, Deputy. Everything will be okay. </span>
      <span class="qualifier">
        <span>Just</span>
      </span>
      <span> let go.” She placed a chaste kiss against Audry’s forehead, her eyes falling shut in ecstasy. “Go ahead and-“</span>
    </p>
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      <span>“</span>
      <em>Let go!” </em>
      <span>The voice switched to Adelaide’s, alarm ringing clear and loud. Audry’s eyes snapped open, her hands clutched the bottom of the seat in front of her. Her legs dangled out of the helicopter, more of her outside of it than in. </span>
      <em>If even Addy says it’s okay, then-</em>
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      <span>“Okay.” She did as instructed, closing her heavy eyes and releasing her grip. Her body slipped the rest of the way out, floating through the air.</span>
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      <span>“<em>Audry!!</em>” </span>
      <span>Poor Adelaide, so distraught. The shriek </span>
      <span>would </span>
      <span>have hit Audry in the heart, but the problem was that she was having trouble locating it. </span>
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      <span>Her breath released a cloud. She’s never felt so… So </span>
      <span><em>free</em>. </span>
      <span>No worries coursing her body, holding her to the earth better than gravity. She opened her eyes as she hit the water.</span>
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      <span>_______________</span>
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      <span>“<em>Come brothers and come sisters, come weary and come strong…</em>” </span>
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      <span>Groggy, mouth dry, her pulse pounding in her head to the tune of </span>
      <span>that song. </span>
      <span>Her hands were bound and pulled taut above her head, fingers numb. Her toes scraped the floor and she struggled to stand, relieving the pressure on her wrists.</span>
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      <span>Standing, back towards her, at some sort of desk was </span>
      <em>John</em>
      <span>. Humming along to the words.</span>
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      <span>”<em>Oh John! Bold and brave, he’s finding us a family, he’s teaching us to fend</em>.”</span>
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      <span>Audry couldn’t help it. She groaned aloud. John startled, turning towards her. Despite the situation, she met his eyes without hesitation. “</span>
      <span class="adverb">
        <span>Really</span>
      </span>
      <span>, John? ‘re you </span>
      <em>that </em>
      <span>conceded?”</span>
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      <span>She laughed at the blush that spread across his cheeks. “It </span>
      <span class="qualifier">
        <span>just</span>
      </span>
      <span> came on! You weren’t </span>
      <em>supposed</em>
      <span> to be awake yet.” Was he… Pouting? Audry had no time to register the thought. He stalked forward, gripping her cheeks roughly. “Let’s start again, </span>
      <span class="complexword">
        <span>shall</span>
      </span>
      <span> we my dear? It’s time for your…”</span>
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      <em>Inhale.</em>
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      <span>“Atonement.”</span>
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      <span>Audry flinched back, feet slipping underneath her. Her already sore wrists caught by the chain, a wail fleeing her lips. John’s arm wrapped around her back, holding her to his chest. The action seeming out of his control, if the look on his face was any </span>
      <span class="complexword">
        <span>indication</span>
      </span>
      <span>.</span>
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      <span>His eyes narrowed. He released her as soon as she got her feet under her, almost like she had burned him. He turned his back to her, walking towards the desk. </span>
      <em>No, tool cart. </em>
      <span>“Your atonement will be easier than most,” he continued, as though nothing had happened. “I already know your sin.”</span>
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      <span>“I’m not! Done! Talking!” He shouted. Audry shut her mouth too fast, too hard, biting her tongue. Liquid metal stained her throat. He had turned towards her again, something glinting in his hand. “As I was saying. Your sin, is lust.” He spread his arms wide, a wicked smile playing across his lips.</span>
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      <span>He seemed pleased with her reluctance. Moving closer, lifting her chin so their eyes locked together. He whispered, “After all, you went and got yourself pregnant after our endeavors.”</span>
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      <span>His words rang like fire through her veins, immobilizing her in his grasp. </span>
      <em>He thinks I…? </em>
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      <span>“And not to mention, </span>
      <span><em>Deputy</em>. </span>
      <span>You’ve been out there </span>
      <em>whoring </em>
      <span>yourself out to those pesky resistance members.” His fingers bit into her skin, nails leaving indents. “Shooting, killing, maiming, </span>
      <span><em>destroying</em>. </span>
      <span>And all for what? A little recognition? </span>
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      <span>, disliking how particularly good he was at reading her. “Let go of me, John,” she hissed, pulling against her restraints. </span>
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      <span>“Not until I get what I want.” His voice was equal to hers. Gone was the charismatic gentleman she had first gotten to know. Replaced by… </span>
      <em>This. </em>
      <span>“You are going to give me what I want. And you will be one step closer to the gates of Eden. </span>
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      <span>She was no longer afraid. Instead, she felt the overwhelming urge to cry. “Let go of me!” The shriek was loud, making her own ears ring. She hated </span>
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      <span> Flooding her mind.</span>
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      <span>, John obeyed. His chest rose and fell, a glint of excitement in his eye. “Oh Deputy. We can do this the hard way.”</span>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger Warnings: Cutting, disturbing thoughts, mentions of self harm</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John had only ever seen her in the dark. And he was too busy with other things to notice the scars on her wrist. Even now, in his red torture room, her wrists were tied to the ceiling.</p><p>She didn’t think John was too concerned with her wrists, though. What he <em>was </em>concerned with at the moment; cutting his perceived sin into her lower back. Audry sucking in a breath, trying hard to keep quiet.</p><p>Her body betrayed her. A moan slipped through, halting John’s movements. Her chest heaved, waiting to see his reaction.</p><p>He continued, silent as a mouse. She couldn’t hold it back this time; groaning aloud, chin lifting, toes curling. John’s hold on her hip tightened. “Audry, I need to focus. Whatever you’re doing <em>keep it down.”</em></p><p>She felt the embarrassment flood her like a tsunami. “If you don’t like it, then <em>back off.”</em> He didn’t reply, and she once again felt the sting of the blade. Soft whisperings in the back of her mind echoed, <em>you deserve this.</em></p><p> The horrifying knowledge lurked just under her skin, after years of being pushed away, stamped down, <em>forgotten. </em>Until she could finally look herself in the mirror and pretend to be something she was not. Pretend that she didn’t know the reason behind wanting to join law enforcement, why she always pushed Staci just a little <em>too </em>far.</p><p>Her heart fluttered in her chest. She gripped the chain tightly, feeling her muscles clench pleasantly. <em>No. </em>Another cut, another line of fire trailing its way down to her-</p><p>“John, stop.” Breathless, wanton. <em>Masochist, </em>her mind tormented. “No!” Tears spilled from her cheeks, hatred burning her inside out.</p><p>John at last released her, stepping around to face her. His eyes glaring. “Just what are you playing at here?”</p><p>She hated him. Hated him more knowing it was really herself she hated. Fire burned in her stomach. She needed to feel him, couldn’t help the overwhelming ache. Using the chain to anchor her, she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him close.</p><p>The look of surprise on his face did wonders for her mood.</p><p>Her lips chased his, rough and biting and wanting. She wasn’t certain she actually heard the whispered <em>lust </em>he placed against her lips, nor did she care. The chains rattled the pipes on the ceiling, her fingers completely numb at this point.</p><p>“<em>John, </em>yes. Please,” she panted into his ear. His answering moan was lava, and she was the streets of Pompeii.</p><p>John pulled away, his back to her, his chest rising and falling as he struggled to catch his breath. Audry stared after him, eyes half lidded, indignation curling her lip.</p><p>At last, he seemed to compose himself, reaching up to fix the collar of his shirt. “This is hardly the time, or <em>place, </em>for that Deputy.” Back to using her title. Audry smiled sweetly.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t see any other options <em>Inquisitor.” </em>His gaze cut to her, sharp, wicked. “You haven’t given me much of a choice since I arrived.”</p><p>“I’ll have someone come by to collect you shortly. They will escort you to your room.” He moved to leave. Audry’s heart sank.</p><p>“Wait! Don’t- don’t leave me.” He didn’t stop, much to her dismay. “John. John, <em>please!” </em>She leaned towards him, yanking roughly on the chains. The white-hot burn of tears stung her eyes. “<em>The baby is yours!”</em></p><p>John stopped.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>John Seed x Female Deputy/OC</p><p>Summary: After the shocking news was delivered, John decides he needs some counsel. </p><p>Trigger Warnings: A panic attack, mentions of blood, mentions of suicide (but she won’t go through with it!!)</p><p>Notes: Thank you to my beloved friend @proudspires for beta reading this and making sure I make sense. I’m so sorry this took so long to update, I rewrote this so many times. I’m finally happy with how it ended up, though, so here we are. Thank you to anyone who reads this, it makes me so happy that my writing isn’t completely ineligible!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He left her.</p><p>She told him the truth and he <em>still </em>left her. True to his word, someone had released her and led her into a room filled with different beds. No one else in the room with her.</p><p>Her back stung, stiff from the dried blood. She looked at the word in the mirror. LUST, similar to the one Joseph held. The room swayed, a fog enveloping her mind.</p><p>Her breath came in gasps, her fingers numb. She felt a deep unsettling in her stomach, at the back of her throat.</p><p>The scream ripped through her before she was aware it was happening. Hands ripping, tearing, throwing anything that wasn’t bolted to the wall. Gripping at the bars on the door, yelling at each passing Eden’s Gate member. Threatening them with a fate worse than death.</p><p>She found herself crouched under the sink, hands clutching the sides of her head. Someone… Someone was speaking to her. She glanced up at the peggy, eyes glossy. He sighed, gripping her by the arm and pulling her to her feet.</p><p>“I <em>said </em>get up. John’s orders.” Without waiting for her reply, he dragged her out of the room. Her eyes caught the person in the room beside; braided black hair, green deputy outfit, body slumped on a bunk.</p><p>Audry ripped her way to the window. “<em>Hudson!” </em>How in the world could she have forgotten? <em>Selfish</em>. Tears trailed her cheeks. Joey didn’t move an inch, probably stuck in some restless dream.</p><p>She was wrenched away, the man digging his nails into her arm. “What are ya, stupid? John wants to see you right away.”</p><p>Audry flinched, eyes following after the room, trying to remember where it was located.</p><p>It was no use. She quickly lost her way. They ended up outside, and she was shoved into a truck with John himself. He didn’t look her way, immediately pulling away from the bunker.</p><p>“John,” her voice pleading. “John, you <em>have </em>to let Hudson go.”</p><p>His eyes cut to her sharply, making her inhale a breath. “I <em>do, </em>do I? Last I checked, you were hardly in a position to give commands.”</p><p>Swallowing, voice shy, “Please John, I’ll… I’ll do anything.”</p><p>His hand flew out, catching her by the wrist. Audry gasped. “You’ve done <em>enough.”</em></p><p>“<em>Me?” </em>She pulled her arm back, hand curling into a fist by her chest. “Correct me if I’m wrong John, but <em>you </em>had a pretty big role in what happened.”</p><p>“Maybe if you weren’t acting like such a <em>harlot-“</em></p><p>“Excuse me? <em>You </em>kissed <em>me </em>first-“</p><p>“Only because you were practically throwing yourself into my lap-“</p><p>“Oh don’t even, you couldn’t stop staring at me with those <em>screw me</em> eyes the whole car ride-“</p><p>“Enough!” John shouted, slamming his hand on the steering wheel. Audry jolted, her cut stung, sending fresh blood trailing to the hem of her jeans. “What we did was a mistake. Joseph will know what to do.”</p><p>The words ripped her open. Of course he thought of her as a mistake, her baby. Her hand moved to her stomach, fingers clenching the material of her shirt. In a voice dulled of emotion, she said, “You should release Joey. After all, you’ve gotten what you wanted.” <em>Me, </em>she did not say.</p><p>John released a world heavy sigh. “Audry, Deputy Hudson is staying put and that’s final.”</p><p><em>Who is he, my dad? </em>She glared daggers at him, silent for just a beat too long. Then, “Fine. If that’s how you’re going to be.” She threw the door open, the wind outside trying to force it shut again.</p><p>John jerked the wheel, correcting at the last minute. Audry lurched, but kept her grip steady. “<em>What the hell are you doing?” </em>He yelled, looking from her to the road then back again.</p><p>“Let Joey go or I’m jumping out of this vehicle. We’re going fast enough, perhaps it’ll kill me. <em>What will Joseph do then, John?” </em>She was petty. She was petty, and he was a dick. But still-</p><p>John released a frustrated grunt. “Audry, close the damn door.”</p><p>“Let Joey go!”</p><p>“I can’t do that, just shut the door.”</p><p>“Sorry, <em>I can’t do that.” </em>Audry readied herself, leaning on the tips of her feet.</p><p>John reached out and grabbed the back of her shirt, pulling her into his side, “Fine, okay, you win! Just get in here you idiot!”</p><p>The door slammed shut.</p><p>_________________</p><p>“I can’t believe you did that. You’re crazy!”</p><p>“Fitting, considering who I’m having a baby with. Tell me John, do you <em>all </em>get off on torturing people, or just you?”</p><p>John had placed his arm over her shoulders, keeping her tightly in place. It almost would have seemed romantic, if not for the way he kept clenching his fist. Audry could barely ignore the thrill it sent through her.</p><p>Her blood turned to ice as she saw the gates leading into Joseph’s compound. Visions of her last trip here flew through her mind like a sick teaser trailer to an upcoming horror film.</p><p>“No-“ she gasped, struggling in John’s grasp. She froze as she felt his breath on her ear.</p><p>“I wouldn’t try it if I were you. Joseph’s got this place armed to the brim. One wrong move and you can just forget our little <em>deal.</em>”</p><p>Sick, sick, sick man. Why did <em>he </em>have to be the one who got her pregnant. Reaching up, she gripped his arm tight, nails leaving indentations. John took that as answer enough, opening his door and dragging her out.</p><p>He gripped her upper arm, hauling her into the chapel. <em>Of all the places he could be. </em>Joseph Seed was standing up front, <em>does he ever wear a shirt? </em>He turned as the door slammed shut behind them.</p><p>“John,” he announced, shocked. His eyes immediately fell on Audry, confusion mixing with worry. “If the deputy has proven to be too much-“</p><p>“She’s pregnant.” John interrupted. Joseph shot him a look that said, <em>I know. </em>“She’s pregnant with <em>my </em>kid. Your voices couldn’t have, I don’t know, mentioned <em>that </em>little tidbit?”</p><p>Joseph’s looked turned to one of indignation. “The <em>Voice </em>didn’t have to show me anything, yet it did. You should be grateful. Besides, I was under the impression that you had turned away from that life. <em>Forgive me.” </em></p><p>Audry watched as the tips of John’s ears turned a violent shade of red. “That’s not- We did- That’s hardly the point!” He yelled. His grip on Audry’s arm was bruising. A groan flew from her lips.</p><p><em>I should have just jumped from the truck.</em> The two men gracefully ignored her, instead locked in a staring match. Speaking silently through their gazes.</p><p>“She will be sent to stay with Jacob for the time being. I believe you should take this time to clear your head.” Joseph walked forward, a purpose in his step that none of the other Seed’s held. <em>The Father through and through. </em></p><p>His hand snaked around John’s neck, pulling him into an embrace. Their foreheads touched and John’s eyes closed serenely. “Yes, Father.”</p><p>“I will send for Jacob right away. In the meantime, you are both welcome to stay in the guest house.”</p><p>“Thank you-“</p><p>“That is to say, if you believe you can control yourself.”</p><p>If looks could kill. “I <em>believe </em>I can.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Follow me on my tumblr! @lilwritingraven &lt;3</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger Warnings: Just a smidgen of violence, but it’s okay</p><p>Notes: This is a short chapter but it has been a rough week for me and I want to update for Christmas!! So here we are. Thank you once again @proudspires for helping me proof this and just being the best friend anyone could ever ask for. &lt;3 And thank you to all the people who read this and leave wonderful comments. It makes my day/week/month/YEAR. </p><p>Follow me on tumblr @lilwritingraven, I give lots of Audry snippets and headcanons!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John had dumped her at the house and promptly disappeared. Audry chose not to dwell on the ache it left, instead wandering through the house. She was sat in the middle of the living room looking at a book when the door opened.</p><p>Her eyes flew up, and her back stiffened immediately. She first noticed the hazel eyes, the greasy hair, which had gotten to the length he would have normally cut it, the deputy outfit. Then she saw the bruises, the cut on his nose, the way his eyes would scan the room like searching for danger before landing back on her in shock, amazement, <em>something else. </em></p><p>She was moving, scrambling for him before she could stop herself. Her feet had barely hit the floor when she heard a gruff, “Move it, Peaches.”</p><p>Staci immediately lowered his eyes, moving to the side of the door. His hands crossed, looking for all the world like a nervous bellhop. Her mouth gaped, her eyes never leaving him, even as John moved forward and closed her mouth with one finger.</p><p>“Take a picture, why don’t you?” John whispered; his mouth dangerously close to her ear. She turned to glare at him, noticing just <em>how </em>close he stood to her. Her heart hammered incessantly, <em>traitor. </em></p><p>“<em>What is wrong with you?” </em>She hissed back, tripping over her feet to pull away. His hands caught her by the elbows, steadying her.</p><p>His eyes narrowed. “What is wrong with <em>me? </em>Audry dear, I believe you need to do some soul searching while in my brother’s care.”</p><p>Anger coursed through her, lightning thundering through her veins and straight into her heart. She heard the crack, felt the sting of her palm, saw the red on John’s cheek and thought, <em>oh damn. </em></p><p>“You little-“</p><p>“John,” Joseph’s voice rang out. Audry could barely glimpse him over John’s shoulder. Tension radiated off of John. He didn’t move a muscle, staring into Audry’s eyes. A secret part of her wanted to melt into him, beg him for forgiveness, use her mouth to-</p><p>Her eyes flit away, blush creeping up her cheeks. <em>With Staci standing right there. </em>Embarrassment was quickly becoming an emotion she would always associate with John. She heard a cough, sounding more like someone trying to hold in their laughter.</p><p>“John, release the deputy.” Joseph demanded, <em>a father scolding their child. </em>Audry wanted to hate him, all of them really. But she couldn’t. Whether she liked it or not, she was connected to them now.</p><p>John obliged, slowly relaxing his fingers until his arms fell by his side. He took a step away. Her eyes instantly looked down, and her cheeks heat for the second time that night. Looking up, she saw the flame in his deep blues, <em>lust.</em></p><p>Maybe he had been right about her sin, but he had to know he was also a part of that.</p><p>He kept his back to the others, hands clenching and unclenching. Audry involuntarily looked to Staci. His eyes were dark, unreadable. She itched to go to him, to stay right where she was, to go to John.</p><p>She never once imagined herself to be the kind who felt the same feelings towards two people.</p><p>Joseph stepped forward, hands cupping Audry’s cheeks. She stared at him; blue eyes turned green behind those ridiculous yellow glasses. “Audry, it’s time for you to go with Jacob.” His voice a whisper, breath fanning her face, blowing her hair back and leaving the faint scent of mint. She blinked owlishly at him, entranced. “Will you be a good girl for us, hm?”</p><p>“Yes, Joseph,” she answered, eyes closing at his hum of approval. Behind him, a noise sounded. Audry felt too lost in the moment to keep track of it. Joseph’s hands moved to her shoulders, pulling her into his side to guide her towards Jacob.</p><p>The oldest of the brothers stood with his arms crossed, leaning casually against the wall. “Take care of her, Jacob. She’s <em>family </em>now.”</p><p>The painful reminder twist violently in her gut. <em>Family</em>.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
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    <p>Jacob was suspiciously kind to her. It set her on edge, seeing him toss a grin over his shoulder at her every so often. When they finally arrived at, <em>his house?, </em>wherever they went, he ordered in a gruff voice, “Peaches, show our guest to her room.”</p><p>“Peaches?” Audry’s forehead creased, wondering what that cougar had to do with anything.</p><p>When Staci gripped her by the elbow, her eyes widened in realization. He pulled her roughly away from Jacob, pace too fast for her to keep up without stumbling.</p><p>“Staci, stop. Let go of me.” His grip held tight, even with her struggling.</p><p>“Audry, stop fighting me. You don’t want to get him angry.” His voice was too quiet, nothing like the man she had been with for the past year. She obeyed, reluctantly letting him pull her along. It didn’t take long for him to shove her into a room, slamming the door shut behind him.</p><p>He stood like that for a long time. Silent, back to her, head bowed. He was a stranger to her in this condition. “Stace?”</p><p>Her voice sparked a light in him, and he turned on her, glaring. “I can’t believe you, Audry.”</p><p>The ice in his voice sent her reeling. “Me? What did I do?”</p><p>“Don’t give me that. I can’t believe you’ve been running around shacking up with <em>John Seed,” </em>he fumed. Audry gasped.</p><p>“<em>Not </em>that it’s any of your business, but we only had sex the one time!”</p><p>“Right, like I’m supposed to believe that. Audry, you’re <em>pregnant </em>with his kid!”</p><p>“It happens Staci.”</p><p>“Not that often.”</p><p>Audry rolled her eyes. “You have a lot of nerve coming in here like this. After that night at the bar, when you had your whole tongue down that bimbo’s throat-“</p><p>“That’s hardly fair-“</p><p>“<em>Right </em>in front of me, might I add. Not only that, but you <em>are </em>the one who broke up with me. You don’t get to act like-“</p><p>Staci’s lips were on hers, shocking her to her core. His hands were in her hair, gripping tight enough to make her gasp, just as she liked. Her hands flew to his elbows, nails digging in. It hurt, her heart hammering painfully in her chest.</p><p>She wanted to push him off, wanted so badly to hurt him like he had hurt her, but the small part in her that still loved him kissed him back, biting his lip.</p><p>He led her back against the wall, hands gripping her thighs and lifting her. Like dance partners who knew each other’s quirks all too well, she wrapped her legs around him obediently.</p><p>“Audry,” he moaned, trailing kisses down her jaw, to her neck. “Do you know how much I’ve needed you?”</p><p>Tears trailed her cheeks. “Staci, don’t-” she sobbed.</p><p>“You have no idea what I’ve been through, what I’ve seen. The only thing that’s gotten me through is know you were still out there, <em>safe.” </em>His teeth nipped at her throat. He lifted Audry into his arms, moving her across the room and laying her on the bed.</p><p>She wouldn’t have said no, even if she <em>wanted </em>to. As he tugged her jeans down, his following shortly after, as he thrust into her, his body as familiar to her as her own, even as she felt his tears fall onto her face. She wouldn’t have said no.</p><p>She just wished that she could get John out of her mind.</p><p>_____________</p><p>Audry was very fortunate to have gotten her jeans pulled up when Jacob came barging in.</p><p>”Peaches, I thought I told you-“ He immediately cut himself off, watching as Audry turned her back on him with red cheeks. Staci didn’t move a muscle, eyes meeting the floor, stance respectful. He pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes tight. “Dammit, you,” he growled, pointing at the other man, “get out of here.”</p><p>Staci didn’t hesitate, walking out the door and leaving Audry alone. <em>Alone, alone, alone. </em>She was shocked to notice Jacob hadn’t moved, his arms crossed and expression cold. Anger flashed through her. “<em>Don’t </em>look at me like that.”</p><p>“You’ve got <em>my brother’s </em>seed in ya. Yet, here you are screwing around with my dog.”</p><p>“He’s <em>not </em>a dog, you sick freak. And besides, just because John and I had sex <em>once </em>doesn’t mean he has any <em>claim </em>to me.” Audry was a kind person. She is kind, and thoughtful, and doesn’t like conflict, but <em>damn </em>if these Seed brothers didn’t know how to get under her skin.</p><p>Jacob grunted, eyes glaring and <em>oh, why do they have to be blue? </em>“Listen, do whatever the hell you want. But if you get my <em>dog </em>killed because of your idiotic actions, I’m gonna be very upset.” He lowered his voice, “And brother’s <em>claim </em>or not, there will be hell to pay.”</p><p>He left, slamming the door shut behind him. Audry’s breathing was short and quick, red hot in her chest.</p>
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